Grieve, Love, Live
Grief is part of Love.
You cannot have one without the other. Grief is part of truly living. Living is not the same as avoiding dying and a painless existence is a vacant one.
When you fall in love with someone, something- a place, a city, a pet, a ritual, a moment… You must simultaneously embrace the impermanent nature of all things.
Death is not somewhere in the future, but is happening right here, now. With each new day there is the death of yesterday, with each inbreathe there is the death of your previous breath, with each moment there is the death of the last. And the same goes for each and every single moment you spend with your loved ones. No moment is repeatable. Love, life and death are all happening simultaneously.
To be able to live fully you must learn to mourn.
Without the trust that you can handle grief, you will hold back from love.
Doing so will result in a kind of insulated existence, where you were tricked to feel ‘safe’, yet vacant.
With some brutal training, you maybe able to sustain this for some years- not allowing yourself to connect with others, to be touched by beauty, to feel tender and soft, to commit, or to let joy in. Your heart hardens as your soul cries, painfully and quietly on the inside.
And one day, you are daunted by the passing of time and your empty existence.
Learning to mourn is your only answer.
Riding the waves offered by raw grief will set you free.
Grief and sadness that comes from loving fiercely is uniquely designed so that it is bearable to the human soul.
It feels like an ache rather than pain.
It comes with a note of bitterness, like what you would crave in a rich coffee or liquor.
Like the sensation of pressing on an old wound, it enlivens you.
Being alive means you are able to embrace and dance with grief, and with the impermanent nature of all things.
As Mary Oliver accurately describes,
“to live in this world you must be able to do three things
to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go”