Have you been told that you ‘see too much’, ‘hear too much’, ‘think too much’, ‘feel too much’?
Hello, and welcome.
This website is dedicated to intellectually intense, emotionally sensitive, and gifted adults, and those who have always felt atypical and distinct from the norm throughout their lives.
Intense curiosity, intellectual excitability, emotional sensitivity, and being neuro-atypical are blessings. They may not feel like a gift at times, but with skills and awareness, you can learn to harness your strengths.
We live in a culture that does not fully understand or embrace this unique trait; intense and passionate individuals are told that they are ‘too much’, ‘too sensitive’, ‘too overbearing’, ‘too dramatic’, or ‘too emotional’. Many find themselves being misunderstood, plagued by shame or self-judgment, and unable to reach their full potential.
My goal is to help you answer these questions:
Is there something wrong with me?
How does being intense and being different affect my life narrative? How do I change my story?
How do I fulfill my potential?
“They said you were too much, but they never knew that you were just enough to light up the world.”
On Intensity
Intensity can be expressed and experienced in different ways; for a full description of emotional intensity in particular, see here.
You feel a constant stream of both positive and negative feelings — pain, despair, fear, excitement, love, and happiness.
Sometimes, feelings can become so powerful and compelling that you feel out of control, although you may also feel numb and not be able to name emotions (also known as Alexithymia)
You feel that you appreciate beauty more than most, and you can be flooded by joy, be deeply moved by art and music, and have bursts of creative insights.
You are naturally excitable and passionate— even if you don’t show it on the outside. When you love, you love a lot. When you give, you give it all.
You are sensitive to unspoken social nuances and relational dynamics. Even this overwhelms you, you cannot ‘un-see’ things, and you intensely dislike dishonesty, inauthentic people, and situations.
Being acutely aware of the suffering, hypocrisies, and complexities of life, you may constantly feel older than others around you, like an ‘old soul’ that has somehow lost their roots.
You are highly driven and have been told you are ‘perfectionistic’- even though you don’t think you are any close to being ‘perfect’, which can be expressed as chronic anxiety and restlessness.
You have incessant internal dialogues and thoughts; it feels impossible to stop your mind from running.
You live with existential angst, a sense of urgency, an impulse to move forward, and a constant need to learn and explore.
You experience existential depression over the meaninglessness of life, death, and loneliness.
In a social situation, you feel you ‘absorb’ other people’s emotions and can be overwhelmed by stimuli, noises, or information you perceive.
Your psychological distress is sometimes expressed in the body —migraine headaches, allergies, asthma, and panic attacks.
You form strong emotional attachments to people, places, and things, or find separation difficult from a young age.
You have been diagnosed/ misdiagnosed with mental illnesses such as Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, or ADHD.
You were identified as a gifted child or gifted adult; but you do not understand why you suffer so much.
You realize one day that you are indeed neuro-atypical.
Common Criticisms Faced by Intense, Sensitive, and Gifted Adults
“You are just difficult.”
“Stop thinking too much.”
“You’re too perfectionistic.”
“You overthink everything.”
“Why can’t you just be like everyone else?”
“You are moving too fast, you are too ambitious.”
“You’re too critical of yourself and others.”
“Why do you have to question everything?”
“You need to learn to fit in.”
“Why can’t you just be satisfied with what you have?”
“Why can’t you just let it go?”
“You worry about everything.”
“You take everything too seriously.”
“You need to learn to tone it down.”
“You overreact to everything.”
“You’re always so dramatic.”
“You’re too high maintenance.”
“Why can’t you just go with the flow?”
“You expect too much from yourself and others.”
“You’re too much.”
‘Haters Gonna Hate’- Rising Above Attacks as an Intense, Gifted, Highly Sensitive Person
“My feelings are too loud for words and too shy for the world.”
― Dejan Stojanovic
Challenges for Intense, Sensitive, Highly Empathic and Gifted People
- Feeling oppressed by the dominant values, unable to have a voice or a place in the world.
- Struggling to find peers or a soulmate who would meet you on a physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual level.
- Not fitting into mainstream society or culture, being or feeling isolated and alienated.
- Taking on other people’s emotions; Becoming overly responsible for things that happen between you.
- Feeling under-stimulated in relationships and friendshipsm feeling like you are always ‘out-growing’ people
- Existential guilt and despair, feeling hopeless and powerless in the face of problems in the world and uncertainties in life.
- Being burn-out or ‘bore-out’ at work, feeling frustrated at people who don’t seem to care or pull their weight.
- Impulsive and self-sabotaging behaviors that are not aligned with who you want to be.
- Being drawn to the same type of partner/ relationship over and over, even when your needs are unmet.
- The fear of ‘coming out’ with your intensity, with the fear of being annihilated if you ‘stick your head out.’
- Feel numb and empty most of the time, except when the emotions erupt suddenly and uncontrollably.
- Shame, sensitivity to criticism and rejection, and overreacting in some situations.
- Losing touch with your intuition and disconnecting from spirituality.
- Writer/ Artist’s block: Feeling stuck and unable to reach your full potential.
In summary, being a highly sensitive and intuitive gifted adult comes with a unique set of challenges stemming from your intensity, strong drive, and the complexity of your mind and emotional life. These challenges may manifest as feeling ‘too much’ for others, battling inner critics, seeking solace in self-soothing behaviors, and struggling with an overactive mind. The weight of high internal standards, the constant quest for intellectual stimulation, and the difficulty in expressing your thoughts and humor to others can weigh you down. Embracing and navigating these challenges is an integral part of your journey as a highly sensitive, empathic, and gifted adult.
‘ Your Preferred Love Language is whatever you did not get in childhood. Sounds so simple, yet so evocative.’
The Wounds of Being ‘Too Much’
Before you became an intense adult, you were an intense child.
The intense child came into the world with such vitality and joy — you see the world through kaleidoscopic lenses, every color and shape a wonder to behold.
Your mind is a maze of endless possibilities, and your heart beats with passion and intensity.
You broadcast your love to the world, scream at any injustice you witness, and react to your surroundings as swiftly and powerfully as passing storms.
But then something happened.
You find within you something that says, ‘You are too much.’
It wasn’t there when you came into the world.
Now it permeates the entirety of your being.
Suddenly, you are no longer that shining bright fire.
Your passion and intensity begin to dwindle.
Where did the demon come from? From where have you gotten the message ‘You are too much’?
Oh dear, from the get-go.
From when you were in your mother’s womb, perhaps.
It may not be anyone’s fault, but the tragedy is that who you are goes beyond what your parents can ever comprehend.
They nod and smile as you eagerly share your latest discovery, but you know they are not really hearing you.
They do not get your humor, finding it too complex or obscure, though they occasionally pretend to laugh.
Their faces blank out when you talk to them about complex ideas and happenings in the world, for they prefer the mundane, the safe, the comfortable.
Disagreements led to closed doors and turned backs, with difficult conversations avoided at all costs.
When your emotions burn too bright, they turn away and say you are overreacting and overly sensitive, labeling you the family’s black sheep.
They tell you to tone it down, be humble, fit in, and be more like the others.
From the way they look at you, or not look at you; from what they say to you, or not say to you, all tell you ‘you are too much’.
Your soul is simply beyond their grasp, beyond their reach, something they cannot control, temper and teach.
They may try, but in the end, all they do is misunderstand.
What choice do you have but to dim your light just to survive?
You learned to hide your gifts, downplay your intelligence, and blend in with the crowd.
You became a shadow of who you truly are, a mere fraction of the brilliance that lay within.
Day after day, you were made to feel like a burden — as though your very existence is a fire to be extinguished.
It is no wonder that you carry these wounds with you today.
No wonder you struggle to trust and open up to others, fearing that they will reject you just as you have rejected yourself.
But dear gifted adult, I didn’t say all these to make you despair.
Have faith, for hope is there for you.
It may surprise you, but it’s never too late to reclaim your light.
I’ve seen it again and again with those in their 50s, 60s, and 70s.
They embark on this journey because even a single day of living as their true gifted selves, even a fleeting moment of finding a kindred spirit, makes it all worthwhile.
Of course, it takes courage to look back as you fear the floodgate of sadness to shake your safe, seemingly contented life.
But then again, why are you reading this if everything is truly okay?
You know life is passing by; you know, on some level, time is running out.
You miss your true self that lies beneath.
Healing might be stormy, but then if you face it, the storm of healing will pass.
If you resist it though, it will haunt you.
The wounds of ‘you are too much’ will not disappear but remains a beautiful scar — and as a veteran of life, you can wear it with honor.
Maybe it is time to step out of the shadow and pluck out that toxic snake that whispers ‘too much’ in your ears.
Let them see the beauty in your kaleidoscopic mind,
pour out the passion in your heart, and broadcast your love for the world.
If they turn away, let them go.
Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever.
Perhaps some were only meant to cross your path.
Some don’t deserve a place on your path at all.
When you open that frozen door, there is a world waiting for you to seize.
Toxic Family Dynamics and Complex Trauma
Coaching and Consulting
Hi! I am Imi, the author of this site. I work with highly intense, curious, and existentially aware humans.
I am the author of three books, including The Gift of Intensity and The Gift of Empathy. My background includes clinical roles with the NHS and Doctors Without Borders, but I eventually moved away from the conventional medical model. I wanted to find a way to help people without pathologizing their unique needs.
Today, I combine that clinical experience with philosophical insight to coach emotionally and intellectually intense adults. My work draws on diverse frameworks, ranging from Stoicism, Buddhism, and Jungian psychology to neurobiology and attachment theory.
You can find more about my background, publications, and interviews here, and my personal journey here.
And here for more details if you would like to explore working with me.
Reviews, Testimonials and Kind Words
“The existential loneliness is the price we pay for being conscious of ourselves.”
– Rollo May
An Ode to Emotional Intensity: The Light and Dark of Being So Truly Human
Could ‘feeling too much’ turn into ‘feeling too little’? Can being overly empathic become shutting down?
Many people who come across as detached and stoic might be highly sensitive, empathic and gifted adults in hiding.
From a young age, the weight of their emotions can be so heavy that it is unbearable. And so, as a means of self-preservation, they choose to distance themselves from their feelings and from others. This detachment is not a conscious choice but rather a coping mechanism learned over time. Often they cannot even help it.
If you were emotionally intense and highly empathic from a young age, you would find that you tend to care too much and feel too much, and the degree to which you invest in a relationship almost often exceeds what the other side gives.
As an intense and gifted adult in a complex social world, you tend to dive in too quickly, too soon, assume too much good nature in others, neglect the dark side, be overly naive and hopeful, and prematurely use your highly imaginative faculty to envision a future.
As a young person without enough knowledge of what most people are like, you had erroneously assumed that most people are like you. So when you like someone, you readily express your affection, surprising and sometimes ‘burning’ others with your authenticity. This may then cause you to be called ‘weird’, ‘ a freak’, or be harshly rejected by your peers. Without the right guidance and emotional training, this pattern simply repeat itself.
Highly sensitive, emotionally intense and gifted people usually have a rough childhood where they had many confusing episodes of not understanding why they were chastised, rejected and why their love never seem reciprocated.
This causes them to eventually shut down, whether they want it or not. As much as they want to preserve their innocence, passion and hope in humanity, their wounds would no longer let them.
We are all wired with a protective mechanism that is geared to protect us from too much harm and emotional wounds. If your experience of ‘being yourself’, of speaking your mind without editing, and spontaneously expressing how you feel has repeatedly caused you to be extremely hurt, you would inevitably shut down.
Then, you go through life with much less intensity. Everything seems more lukewarm, with less vivid color. You miss the old days when you seemed to be able to live with so much vitality and drive, but somehow you could no longer open your heart so easily.
Yet
There are times when you catch a glimpse of your inner intensity.
These are the moments where you get back in touch with the depth of emotion that resides within you, rippling beneath the surface and about to burst.
It could happen during a moment of connection with a group of like-minded, intellectually gifted people or when you stumble upon an experience that speaks to the very core of your being. It could be a piece of art, a melody that strikes a chord, or a sunset that sets your soul ablaze.
These moments fill you with a sense of both wonder and fear.
Wonder, because in that moment, you feel truly alive. Your senses are heightened, colors are more vivid, sounds are more musical, and emotions are more intense. Fear because you know that everything ends and you will be engulfed with sadness.
In those moments of intensity, you are reminded of impermanence, of your own mortality, of the unbearable lightness of being. Your intensity, fear of your own intensity, and heart tenderness all comes flooding in. It is a feeling that comes in waves, washing over you with a sense of nostalgia for what once was or anxiety for what is yet to come. It can be overwhelming, this flood of emotions that threatens to engulf you at any moment.
It’s in these moments that you remember just how deeply you can feel, and how much creativity runs through your vein. Once again, you tap into a wellspring of energy and creativity that you have forgotten about.
But as you look around, you realize that not everyone experiences the world in the same way.
Some people seem to glide through life, barely registering the highs or the lows. They might even seem envious of your passion, your fire. But you know the truth: that intensity can be both a blessing and a curse. It can be the source of your greatest joys and your deepest sorrows.
You carry with you perpetually, existential loneliness. It leaves you feeling isolated and disconnected from those around you.
You wonder how others can seem to connect causally or remain stoic in the face of change and endings. To you, every deep soul exchange, every touch with the beauty and the transcendental, can feel like a mini-death, the closing of a chapter that holds a piece of your soul.
And yet, despite the complexity and the weight of being a deeply emotional and empathically gifted adult, I hope you would not give your intensity up for anything else.
Your love for humanity and your ability to travel deep within are what makes you so truly human.
Even when your despair sometimes feels like it hurts more than you can bear, I think you can bear it. The universe has made you the way you are because you are also endowed with the capacity to transcend your pain and turn your existential loneliness into creative work.
Please do not trade your intensity for anything in the world.
“Silence, I discover, is something you can actually hear.”
― Kafka on the Shore
Imi Lo is an independent consultant who has dedicated her career to helping emotionally intense and highly sensitive people turn their depth into strength. Her three books, Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity, The Gift of Intensity, and The Gift of Empathy, are translated into multiple languages.
Imi holds three master's degrees in Mental Health, Buddhist Studies, and Global Cultures, alongside training in philosophical counseling, Jungian psychology, and other modalities. Her multicultural perspective has been enriched by living and working across the UK, Australia, and Asia, including with organizations such as Médecins Sans Frontières/Doctors Without Borders and the NHS (UK). Throughout her career, she has served as a psychotherapist, art therapist, suicide crisis social worker, mental health supervisor, and trainer for mental health professionals.
You can contact Imi for a one-to-one consulting session tailored to your specific needs.